"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." -Helen Keller
I feel as though I have been living on a one-way street that has come to a dead-end. For so long I have been struggling with the life I used to have versus my life now and have been unable to accept the fact that it is time to move forward and quit staring at the closed doors of my past. I can't change it and must accept the realization that it's called the past for a reason. I have always had a hard time being happy because I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. My past is one thing I am certain of and the uncertainty of my future is something I have never been comfortable with.
There comes a point in every persons life where you have to accept that it's time to grow up and start living your life as an adult, rather than pretending it's all a dream and when you wake up tomorrow you will be back in high school or college without a care in the world. Life is changing and instead of being dragged through it, it's time for me to take the reins and face it head on.
Recently I came across some boxes of old letters from my junior and high school days. It was so refreshing to read some of the things I used to love and worry about back then. It also made me realize that I have become the person I am today because of who I was back then. I want to continue to grow as a person and if I keep looking and moving backwards it won't be possible.
I am so blessed and I only have this one life. I have to start living it and be more thankful instead of taking it for granted. I'm leaving the past where it belongs and keeping my eyes towards my future. My life has been pretty amazing up to this point so who knows what lies ahead on my journey. Time to get off this dead end road and get on the road to living.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Nightmare on Elm Street? How About Ginkgo Ave?
FEAR...we all have something that terrifies us and shakes us to our absolute core. For me, well that fear would be a small red-headed doll straight out of hell. Maybe you have heard of him? Does Chucky ring a bell? I don't know what it is about that damn doll, but he just scares me to death. Dolls that kill...it just doesn't seem right to me. This childhood fear has unfortunately followed me into adulthood. My fear was only reinforced in October of my sophomore year of high school when my friend Cody and I went to the haunted houses and I was chased down with a chainsaw by a life-size chucky. For me...permanent mental scar...for Cody...the realization that I shoved him down and left him for bait in order to escape. Who do I find partially responsible for this you ask? Well my parents of course. Does it seem natural to you that to this day, my parents will hide a chucky doll they have in cabinets at their house so when poor unsuspecting me goes to get a dinner plate the little nasty doll is sitting there. Or how about when they email and randomly text me pictures of chucky with a little knife taped to his hand about to stab my dad? No I'd say that is definitely not natural. As A child I can remember needing to see this dolls precise location in the closet prior to tucking myself in bed and waking up to check and make sure he was still located in the same position...smashed under anything I could find to hinder his movements while I slept.
I of course know the difference between reality and a movie...but sometimes the lines get blurred. Tell me that the following have never happened to you:
You are getting ready for bed you turn off the bathroom light start heading for your Bedroom and suddenly you find yourself running because you feel like someone is behind you?
You want to hang your foot off the edge of your bed but don't because you are afraid someone will grab it?
You run and jump to get into bed because you don't want something to grab your feet?
You want to pretend that your closet door being slightly cracked open doesn't bother you but you go close it all the way just to make sure someone isn't peeking at you?
You have to look behind the shower curtain just to make sure no one is there?
I definitely think that I have watched way too many scary movies in my day, but for some reason I can't get enough of them. I love to hate being scared. So i'll just keep my feet under the covers and the shower curtain pulled.
I of course know the difference between reality and a movie...but sometimes the lines get blurred. Tell me that the following have never happened to you:
You are getting ready for bed you turn off the bathroom light start heading for your Bedroom and suddenly you find yourself running because you feel like someone is behind you?
You want to hang your foot off the edge of your bed but don't because you are afraid someone will grab it?
You run and jump to get into bed because you don't want something to grab your feet?
You want to pretend that your closet door being slightly cracked open doesn't bother you but you go close it all the way just to make sure someone isn't peeking at you?
You have to look behind the shower curtain just to make sure no one is there?
I definitely think that I have watched way too many scary movies in my day, but for some reason I can't get enough of them. I love to hate being scared. So i'll just keep my feet under the covers and the shower curtain pulled.
I'll Be Missin You
AUGUST 2009...this day will forever be etched in my heart and in my mind. For those of you who didn't know Jared he was an amazing person, words can't even do justice to what an amazing friend he was to me and his friendship is one that I miss more often than I can count. When you lose a true friend it is something that leaves a mark on your heart forever...with time the cut becomes more of a scar but it's a scar that never goes away.
Jared was an amazing friend. Let me start out by saying that when we were in high school he always said I was a "goody goody" and I always said he was "looking for trouble". We hung out in high school but ran with different "cliques" so we lead very different life styles but always remained friends. Over the years we lost touch here and there but always managed to re-connect via telephone from time to time. In the year leading up to his death we talked periodically on the phone and he gave me the best relationship advice ever. He once asked me, "Jenn when are you going to get married already?" to which I responded "no rush who knows when" he quickly called out BS and said "Get married. If you love him then there is no reason to not get married." Jared always had the best advice and always knew how to make me laugh. We often talked about his girlfriend Stephanie and how much he loved her. He once said that after an argument they had, his fault, that he needed to send her 4 dozen roses because 1 wasn't enough for someone as amazing as her.
The last time I saw Jared was at the gas station just up the road from my mom and dads house. (the year escapes me now unfortunately but I couldn't have been over 18 or 20) I was in a hurry to go floating with my jerky boyfriend at the time and as I came out from paying for gas there Jared was. I remember being so excited to see him cause it had been forever and I gave him a big hug but we didn't talk long. I wish I would have slowed down, looking back now, and visited with him a little longer. The last time I talked to Jared on the phone was a month or two before he passed away. He had called me upset about the recent death of his girlfriends cousin. He was missing her cousin and wanted some insight on how to be there for steph during such a difficult time. We talked for about 45 minutes and then I had to go do something with my sister. We ended the call with my saying I would give him a call later and to hang in there. He sent me a few water fight requests on facebook lol and a few Facebook pokes but I never got back to returning his call. Jared passed away august of 2009. When a mutual friend of ours called me in the early morning hours to tell me, I was in complete disbelief. It took me hours to finally accept that it was true. I remember crying in my pillow for hours after realizing it was.
I was going through some old facebook messages he sent me tonight and He was always telling me, miss batten when u message me back write me a novel of what's going on with you lol. I never wrote him a novel but a few paragraphs I always managed to scrounge up seemed to keep him entertained. Up until a few months ago I still had the last water gun fight he sent me showing on my facebook account and when it was accidentally deleted I cried. I know it seems silly but it was just a reminder of what a fun friend he was.
After he died I messaged his girlfriend steph, we have yet to talk on the phone but we have emailed a few times. I think of her often as well because Jared was her future and she was his and it is such a shame that they were both cheated out of an amazing life together. I think of Jared often and I hope he is always a friend that stays close to my heart no matter how much time passes. He was an amazing person and the world lost an amazing man way too early. Thank you Jared for the amazing friendship you gave me, I will treasure it always and I expect you to be waiting at those pearly gates for me when my day one day comes.
Love always, miss batten
Jared was an amazing friend. Let me start out by saying that when we were in high school he always said I was a "goody goody" and I always said he was "looking for trouble". We hung out in high school but ran with different "cliques" so we lead very different life styles but always remained friends. Over the years we lost touch here and there but always managed to re-connect via telephone from time to time. In the year leading up to his death we talked periodically on the phone and he gave me the best relationship advice ever. He once asked me, "Jenn when are you going to get married already?" to which I responded "no rush who knows when" he quickly called out BS and said "Get married. If you love him then there is no reason to not get married." Jared always had the best advice and always knew how to make me laugh. We often talked about his girlfriend Stephanie and how much he loved her. He once said that after an argument they had, his fault, that he needed to send her 4 dozen roses because 1 wasn't enough for someone as amazing as her.
The last time I saw Jared was at the gas station just up the road from my mom and dads house. (the year escapes me now unfortunately but I couldn't have been over 18 or 20) I was in a hurry to go floating with my jerky boyfriend at the time and as I came out from paying for gas there Jared was. I remember being so excited to see him cause it had been forever and I gave him a big hug but we didn't talk long. I wish I would have slowed down, looking back now, and visited with him a little longer. The last time I talked to Jared on the phone was a month or two before he passed away. He had called me upset about the recent death of his girlfriends cousin. He was missing her cousin and wanted some insight on how to be there for steph during such a difficult time. We talked for about 45 minutes and then I had to go do something with my sister. We ended the call with my saying I would give him a call later and to hang in there. He sent me a few water fight requests on facebook lol and a few Facebook pokes but I never got back to returning his call. Jared passed away august of 2009. When a mutual friend of ours called me in the early morning hours to tell me, I was in complete disbelief. It took me hours to finally accept that it was true. I remember crying in my pillow for hours after realizing it was.
I was going through some old facebook messages he sent me tonight and He was always telling me, miss batten when u message me back write me a novel of what's going on with you lol. I never wrote him a novel but a few paragraphs I always managed to scrounge up seemed to keep him entertained. Up until a few months ago I still had the last water gun fight he sent me showing on my facebook account and when it was accidentally deleted I cried. I know it seems silly but it was just a reminder of what a fun friend he was.
After he died I messaged his girlfriend steph, we have yet to talk on the phone but we have emailed a few times. I think of her often as well because Jared was her future and she was his and it is such a shame that they were both cheated out of an amazing life together. I think of Jared often and I hope he is always a friend that stays close to my heart no matter how much time passes. He was an amazing person and the world lost an amazing man way too early. Thank you Jared for the amazing friendship you gave me, I will treasure it always and I expect you to be waiting at those pearly gates for me when my day one day comes.
Love always, miss batten
Saturday, July 23, 2011
From Roseanne to Gandhi
"Beauty comes in all sizes-not just five"---Roseanne
How many times in your life have you found yourself staring in the mirror nitpicking how you look? I don't know a single woman who doesn't have insecurities, myself included. Looking back I think I have always been insecure with the way I look, even when I was a size 7. That was so long ago but I still am dumbfounded as to how I felt that way.
Lets face it, if men did not exist women would be fat and happy...or would we? I have often believed what society makes us think, that it's all these magazines and actresses and models that average women are constantly trying to live up to. But the truth is that even those women have insecurities. I have never met a woman that doesn't see at least ten flaws when she sees her reflection in the mirror. So why do we let ourselves get inside our own head?
I have struggled with my weight all my life. I have never thought of myself as gorgeous but I have never thought I was unattractive either. I will probably continue to struggle with my weight all my life and I have at times dreading going to social occasions because I can't find anything I feel good about wearing. I often see myself eating a damn cookie and thinking good lord woman put that 100 calorie thing down. We as women are often our harshest critics. Just because you aren't a size 6 doesn't mean you should consider becoming a shut in. Just because you have frizzy unmanageable hair doesn't mean you aren't gorgeous. Just because you don't wear a C cup doesn't mean you need to get implants. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just roll out of bed, shower, throw on some clothes and leave the house thinking damn I look amazing? instead of caking on the makeup and spending an hour straightening our hair while we tear through the closet leaving "it didn't look good" clothes in our wake?
My point is that I...we...need to get to a place where our value is not based solely on our looks. Some of the most beautiful people I know are beautiful because of who they are as a person. Looks eventually fade and all you are left with is what's on the inside. When you are standing at those pearly gates one day, trust me, they won't be worried about how you look. So I think I will try and start working on my insecurities...day by day. My end goal being that I can walk through life being proud of the way I look and finally feeling like my outward appearance matches my inner.
"we must become the change we want to see"---Gandhi
How many times in your life have you found yourself staring in the mirror nitpicking how you look? I don't know a single woman who doesn't have insecurities, myself included. Looking back I think I have always been insecure with the way I look, even when I was a size 7. That was so long ago but I still am dumbfounded as to how I felt that way.
Lets face it, if men did not exist women would be fat and happy...or would we? I have often believed what society makes us think, that it's all these magazines and actresses and models that average women are constantly trying to live up to. But the truth is that even those women have insecurities. I have never met a woman that doesn't see at least ten flaws when she sees her reflection in the mirror. So why do we let ourselves get inside our own head?
I have struggled with my weight all my life. I have never thought of myself as gorgeous but I have never thought I was unattractive either. I will probably continue to struggle with my weight all my life and I have at times dreading going to social occasions because I can't find anything I feel good about wearing. I often see myself eating a damn cookie and thinking good lord woman put that 100 calorie thing down. We as women are often our harshest critics. Just because you aren't a size 6 doesn't mean you should consider becoming a shut in. Just because you have frizzy unmanageable hair doesn't mean you aren't gorgeous. Just because you don't wear a C cup doesn't mean you need to get implants. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just roll out of bed, shower, throw on some clothes and leave the house thinking damn I look amazing? instead of caking on the makeup and spending an hour straightening our hair while we tear through the closet leaving "it didn't look good" clothes in our wake?
My point is that I...we...need to get to a place where our value is not based solely on our looks. Some of the most beautiful people I know are beautiful because of who they are as a person. Looks eventually fade and all you are left with is what's on the inside. When you are standing at those pearly gates one day, trust me, they won't be worried about how you look. So I think I will try and start working on my insecurities...day by day. My end goal being that I can walk through life being proud of the way I look and finally feeling like my outward appearance matches my inner.
"we must become the change we want to see"---Gandhi
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Realist vs. Dreamer
All my life I have always felt that I have been a realistic person but to be contradictory I also see myself as a dreamer. I see things in black and white, and situations no matter how ugly or pretty they are, just are. I am the type of person that always hopes for the best but isn't surprised if things don't turn out that way. I often times find myself wishing for life to be perfect and amazing everyday. I mean is it really that wrong for me to want that? Regardless, I definitely think it is achievable but I just haven't quite figured out how yet. I mean what is really keeping us from being happy all the time? you control your emotions, you allow people to make you feel a certain way, you allow certain situations to affect you a certain way. So in turn, do you not control your own happiness? I don't care to speculate on situations in life or people...instead I just ask. That leaves no room for error or confusion because I get it straight from the source.
I have recently been evaluating a lot of the relationships in my life. Maybe it's the big 30 approaching that really has me thinking, why can't I be happy all the time? I am happy a lot but I am looking for a figure more like 90/10 instead of 70/30 (give or take).
I tend to always look for the best in people and when they show me their worst I accept it, forgive, and move on. I don't like to dwell on things. But I now realize what I really do is bury the unintentional resentment deep and when it rears it's ugly head much later down the road, it's well...really ugly. Or I tend to just ignore the person for a while, which has happened here lately, because I feel too hurt to give them the satisfaction of even explaining to them how I feel, and eventually I brush it under the rug again, and they are never the wiser. I wish I could tell people how I really feel, but I am the type of person who would rather be hurt than to ever hurt anyones feelings. I tend to let people walk all over me and take me for granted while secretly being hurt, and all the while putting on a big smile. I have in my own mind created these ideals that I expect other people to live up to, and that is just not realistic. But it also isn't fair for me to be getting the short end of the stick. I only expect from relationships what I in turn can reciprocate.
I saw a quote today that went something like, "just because someone doesn't love you the way you Want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you, it means they are loving you the only way they know how." so maybe that's just it, maybe I need to just take certain relationships as they are. They don't have to be perfect or live up to the image that I have created in my own mind, they just have to...well...just be.
I have recently been evaluating a lot of the relationships in my life. Maybe it's the big 30 approaching that really has me thinking, why can't I be happy all the time? I am happy a lot but I am looking for a figure more like 90/10 instead of 70/30 (give or take).
I tend to always look for the best in people and when they show me their worst I accept it, forgive, and move on. I don't like to dwell on things. But I now realize what I really do is bury the unintentional resentment deep and when it rears it's ugly head much later down the road, it's well...really ugly. Or I tend to just ignore the person for a while, which has happened here lately, because I feel too hurt to give them the satisfaction of even explaining to them how I feel, and eventually I brush it under the rug again, and they are never the wiser. I wish I could tell people how I really feel, but I am the type of person who would rather be hurt than to ever hurt anyones feelings. I tend to let people walk all over me and take me for granted while secretly being hurt, and all the while putting on a big smile. I have in my own mind created these ideals that I expect other people to live up to, and that is just not realistic. But it also isn't fair for me to be getting the short end of the stick. I only expect from relationships what I in turn can reciprocate.
I saw a quote today that went something like, "just because someone doesn't love you the way you Want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you, it means they are loving you the only way they know how." so maybe that's just it, maybe I need to just take certain relationships as they are. They don't have to be perfect or live up to the image that I have created in my own mind, they just have to...well...just be.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Telephone Game
We all remember the telephone game...you whisper a secret into the ear of the person next to you, they in turn do the same to the person next to them, and so on. Innevitably by the time the secret reaches the last person...jerica is a sweet girl becomes jerica has fake boobs and her husband is sleeping with Betty. You get the picture. I am a firm believer in "never speculate!" If there is something I want to know, go straight to the source, rather than by word of someone elses mouth. Why waste time wondering when you can just ask and get the answer straight from the horses mouth?
My husband and I have been together for about 6 years now, and getting ready to celebrate our 1 year anniversary this august. We were in no rush at all to get married, we were content, but eventually we consented and took the big plunge. Since then let me tell you it has been a whirlwind. We announced our engagement and it was quickly followed up moments later by, " so when is the big day?" after we were married it has been, "so when are you having babies?" and let me tell you I have heard tons of crazy speculation from, "oh jenn can't get pregnant" to "oh they don't want kids". So let just put that little bit of nonsense to rest. We just are enjoying ourselves right now...taking things slow...enjoying being newlyweds. We will start a family when the time is right for us. And as of now, we do plan on having a family one day.
Why is it that we are always in a hurry? What is so important that we don't take the time to slow down, take a deep breath and revel In the moment? I actually have been making a conscience effort to slow down and take each moment in. Life is so short that it can be gone in the blink of an eye and I want to make sure that I don't miss a moment of it. So while you might waste your time speculating I will use my time more productively and use it to, well...stop and smell the roses.
My husband and I have been together for about 6 years now, and getting ready to celebrate our 1 year anniversary this august. We were in no rush at all to get married, we were content, but eventually we consented and took the big plunge. Since then let me tell you it has been a whirlwind. We announced our engagement and it was quickly followed up moments later by, " so when is the big day?" after we were married it has been, "so when are you having babies?" and let me tell you I have heard tons of crazy speculation from, "oh jenn can't get pregnant" to "oh they don't want kids". So let just put that little bit of nonsense to rest. We just are enjoying ourselves right now...taking things slow...enjoying being newlyweds. We will start a family when the time is right for us. And as of now, we do plan on having a family one day.
Why is it that we are always in a hurry? What is so important that we don't take the time to slow down, take a deep breath and revel In the moment? I actually have been making a conscience effort to slow down and take each moment in. Life is so short that it can be gone in the blink of an eye and I want to make sure that I don't miss a moment of it. So while you might waste your time speculating I will use my time more productively and use it to, well...stop and smell the roses.
Friday, June 17, 2011
He's just not that into you
Let me first say if you have not read this book it is an absolute must read. I came across this book the other night as I was dusting my bookcase and it really struck a chord...and so...I blog.
I would be lying if I said I didn't think about past life experiences, past relationships, the good, the bad, and the "did I really do that" moments. Now don't go reading to far into this, as I am happily married and thank god everyday for my husband especially since I know he is the only man who could possibly put up with me 24/7. I do however feel that it is only natural to have those flash back moments to the past. And if u can honestly say that you haven't had those thoughts then your should stop reading this blog now.
I waited until I was almost 30 to get married and I don't know that I would have done that any differently. I also don't think there are that many relationships from my past that I would have changed because they helped shape me into who I am today and the partner I am today as well. However, looking back I wish I would have had the above mentioned book at hand because it probably would have helped me realize that some of those relationships weren't worth my time. I can remember reading page one and realizing that my on again off again boyfriend of over two years was "just not that Into me". Page one? Yeah barely broke the page in before I came to that realization. I also remember a few chapters in realizing that I should have ditched some of the jerks and actually given the nice guys more of a chance. I would have realized that the boy who gave me the squirrel tail as a joke but followed up with the flower really did love me and the boy who was always overseas and never found time to write me only everyone else or who pretended not to be home when I made him a firefighter build-a-bear Was just never really that into me. But when your young you don't really want the good guys you only want the guys who never give you the time of day and who you have to really work at. And I also realize that things always happen for a reason and that if it was meant to be it would have been. Of course I end up marrying a good guy so it all worked out for me. And I am so lucky to have found someone to share my life with.
I often wonder about if I have a girl someday, will she be crying on her pillow, almost inconsolable because she is in LOVE and she can't imagine life without him? Oh lord probably so! I just hope that she is a strong enough girl/woman to realize that eventually most of us really do find true love and that yes it seems like the end of the world but there really are so many fish in the sea and he is just a small guppy. I just hope that I can raise a strong young woman or a kind young man.
Thanks to snow white and cinderella women tend to have these unrealistic views on love and think that life is all about the prince and happily ever after. Again these are just ideas and stories but we hear them all our lives so how are we supposed to have anything besides a clouded idea of what true happiness is supposed to be? How are ordinary men supposed to live up to this prince charming stereotype? I will be the first to admit that I often find myself thinking that I should have this perfect life where my husband kisses me bye every morning and has dinner waiting at home for me every night and flowers and romance 24/7. I am now sensible enough to know that this is not reality, but I still expect it, I still hope for it, and most of the time that is the case and sometimes we argue but that is life. It's not all a bed of roses, it's more like a rose bush. Something you have to work at and prune and water. It's work and it's not always pretty but it's worth the work because of the end result. A not so perfect but pretty damn close to it, happily ever after.
I have friends who fear they will never find "the one", friends who are divorced, friends who are starting over, friends who are married, friends who are single. But every relationship is a learning experience and while they might not be ideal, they might be all you ever hoped for, might be scary and new, they are what you make of them. If you want to set your expectations high, then I say the sky if the limit. If you are starting over, then think of this as a new beginning and your version of a fairytale. Every life is a story it's how you choose to write it that really matters.
I would be lying if I said I didn't think about past life experiences, past relationships, the good, the bad, and the "did I really do that" moments. Now don't go reading to far into this, as I am happily married and thank god everyday for my husband especially since I know he is the only man who could possibly put up with me 24/7. I do however feel that it is only natural to have those flash back moments to the past. And if u can honestly say that you haven't had those thoughts then your should stop reading this blog now.
I waited until I was almost 30 to get married and I don't know that I would have done that any differently. I also don't think there are that many relationships from my past that I would have changed because they helped shape me into who I am today and the partner I am today as well. However, looking back I wish I would have had the above mentioned book at hand because it probably would have helped me realize that some of those relationships weren't worth my time. I can remember reading page one and realizing that my on again off again boyfriend of over two years was "just not that Into me". Page one? Yeah barely broke the page in before I came to that realization. I also remember a few chapters in realizing that I should have ditched some of the jerks and actually given the nice guys more of a chance. I would have realized that the boy who gave me the squirrel tail as a joke but followed up with the flower really did love me and the boy who was always overseas and never found time to write me only everyone else or who pretended not to be home when I made him a firefighter build-a-bear Was just never really that into me. But when your young you don't really want the good guys you only want the guys who never give you the time of day and who you have to really work at. And I also realize that things always happen for a reason and that if it was meant to be it would have been. Of course I end up marrying a good guy so it all worked out for me. And I am so lucky to have found someone to share my life with.
I often wonder about if I have a girl someday, will she be crying on her pillow, almost inconsolable because she is in LOVE and she can't imagine life without him? Oh lord probably so! I just hope that she is a strong enough girl/woman to realize that eventually most of us really do find true love and that yes it seems like the end of the world but there really are so many fish in the sea and he is just a small guppy. I just hope that I can raise a strong young woman or a kind young man.
Thanks to snow white and cinderella women tend to have these unrealistic views on love and think that life is all about the prince and happily ever after. Again these are just ideas and stories but we hear them all our lives so how are we supposed to have anything besides a clouded idea of what true happiness is supposed to be? How are ordinary men supposed to live up to this prince charming stereotype? I will be the first to admit that I often find myself thinking that I should have this perfect life where my husband kisses me bye every morning and has dinner waiting at home for me every night and flowers and romance 24/7. I am now sensible enough to know that this is not reality, but I still expect it, I still hope for it, and most of the time that is the case and sometimes we argue but that is life. It's not all a bed of roses, it's more like a rose bush. Something you have to work at and prune and water. It's work and it's not always pretty but it's worth the work because of the end result. A not so perfect but pretty damn close to it, happily ever after.
I have friends who fear they will never find "the one", friends who are divorced, friends who are starting over, friends who are married, friends who are single. But every relationship is a learning experience and while they might not be ideal, they might be all you ever hoped for, might be scary and new, they are what you make of them. If you want to set your expectations high, then I say the sky if the limit. If you are starting over, then think of this as a new beginning and your version of a fairytale. Every life is a story it's how you choose to write it that really matters.
Bad hair day sprinkled with a delivery
Inspiration and kindness are often found in the most unexpected places...and so I blog.
At my job I take care of getting nursing home and assisted living patients medicines ready. It is a very long and tedious process but the upside for me has become when I get to actually take these medicines to a few of these places. I also take medicine to peoples homes who are unable to get to the pharmacy to pick up their medicine.
Mind you, this is not always a positive thing but in more cases than not it is. I mean I have seen people in their underwear, people who could have passed for a yeti, felt like I was in a secret episode of hoarders and a petrified cat could be in the corner, had a man fart in front of me...I could go on but you get the picture. And don't get me wrong farts are funny. I don't care who you are, they are funny, but in this particular instance it wasn't so funny coming from a man in his tighty whiteys, beer gut hanging out, toenails that were as long as fingernails, sitting in a recliner, wooley mammoth resembling body hair letting out a sound barrier breaking fart. Yeah...not so funny. Okay I'll be honest when I got back to the car I laughed so hard I thought I wouldn't stop. But that's a whole nother story.
A few weeks ago I was kind of having a bad morning. It was one of those hate my job, sprinkled with a dash of bad hair day and wish I could trade faces with someone type of mornings. So I go to this assisted living facility where there are juveniles, some really with it, and some not so much. I walk in the door and a girl a little younger than me walks up to me and gives me a great big hug. She asks me how my day is going and tells me how pretty I look. I can't help but smile and we banter back and forth for a few mintues before I have to leave. Afterward it hits me like a ton of bricks just how good I do have it. These young people will never have the freedom I do, get to experience a lot of the things I do, and yet they always greet me with a smile like they couldn't be any happier if they tried. But this girl who probably thought nothing more of the incident really made my day with nothing more than kind words and a smile. It cost absolutely nothing, completely free and yet it was worth everything to me in that moment.
At my job I take care of getting nursing home and assisted living patients medicines ready. It is a very long and tedious process but the upside for me has become when I get to actually take these medicines to a few of these places. I also take medicine to peoples homes who are unable to get to the pharmacy to pick up their medicine.
Mind you, this is not always a positive thing but in more cases than not it is. I mean I have seen people in their underwear, people who could have passed for a yeti, felt like I was in a secret episode of hoarders and a petrified cat could be in the corner, had a man fart in front of me...I could go on but you get the picture. And don't get me wrong farts are funny. I don't care who you are, they are funny, but in this particular instance it wasn't so funny coming from a man in his tighty whiteys, beer gut hanging out, toenails that were as long as fingernails, sitting in a recliner, wooley mammoth resembling body hair letting out a sound barrier breaking fart. Yeah...not so funny. Okay I'll be honest when I got back to the car I laughed so hard I thought I wouldn't stop. But that's a whole nother story.
A few weeks ago I was kind of having a bad morning. It was one of those hate my job, sprinkled with a dash of bad hair day and wish I could trade faces with someone type of mornings. So I go to this assisted living facility where there are juveniles, some really with it, and some not so much. I walk in the door and a girl a little younger than me walks up to me and gives me a great big hug. She asks me how my day is going and tells me how pretty I look. I can't help but smile and we banter back and forth for a few mintues before I have to leave. Afterward it hits me like a ton of bricks just how good I do have it. These young people will never have the freedom I do, get to experience a lot of the things I do, and yet they always greet me with a smile like they couldn't be any happier if they tried. But this girl who probably thought nothing more of the incident really made my day with nothing more than kind words and a smile. It cost absolutely nothing, completely free and yet it was worth everything to me in that moment.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Pay it forward
I recently received an unexpected card in the mail from a dear friend. She didn't send it for any other reason than to let me know she was sorry we didn't get a chance to see each other the last time I was in town and to let me know how much she missed me. Let me just tell you that I don't often get above and beyond types of things done for me so when I do I tend to treasure them more than I can ever let people know. This simple gesture made me smile and of course cry so much that I decided to "pay it forward" and sent cards to a few of my friends just to let them know how special they were to me and to thank them just for being them.
I don't know if it has something to do with my rapidly approaching the age of 30 or if with age comes wisdom but it has suddenly become crystal clear to me just how important friendships are. I will be the first to say that I haven't always been the best friend I could be but i have always been there when my friends needed me most and I feel I am now at a place in my life where I can be the best friend possible. It seems that as another year goes by I have really discovered the meaning of true friendship. Anyone can say they have friends but true friendships are something that are truly hard to find and with time can often be hard to hold on to.
I have one friend in particular, she has been my friend since the 7th grade and we have had some of the most amazing times together and also some not so amazing times together but through it all we have always stuck together and somehow the changing tides always seems to bring us back to what is most important. We have went months without talking, picked up the phone, and pick up right where we left off. She has always got me and has always appreciated the simple kind gestures I send her way from time to time. I also have friends who have went out of their way for me and who I talk to regularly who are just as special. I have always been very choosey where my friends are concerned because I care so much for the relationships in my life. Each friend has something special, one of a kind and unique about them, and I treasure each one of them just as much as the next.
However with every good friendship/relationship in life there are bound to be a few bad ones. I read once and have heard multiple people say that "friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime" and I am beginning to think that couLdn't be more true. I have been thinking a lot here lately about a select few people in my life and some of them are starting to look more like seasons. You can only expect from someone what you yourself are willing and capable of giving. And a person should never be expected to apologize more than once. I have always been an overly forgiving person and have always said all a person can do is apologize and you can either except it or move on. I am starting to think that where some friendships are concerned I have been overly forgiving and have become more of a friend of convenience or part of a one sided friendship. I often feel that going above and beyond for these friendships isn't worth it because the thoughtfulness I gift is never reciprocated. I can't continue to make special time for people who never make time to come visit me. I can't continue to help out people who only call me to complain or are in need of a favor rather than just calling to go hang out.
As time goes on we all get busy with our own lives. Children, husbands, family and work often become our main focus; that is just part of growing up. But friendships are the chicken noodle soups to our souls and we have to remind ourselves to find time to catch up with an old friend, make time to see how they are doing or even just pay it forward.
I don't know if it has something to do with my rapidly approaching the age of 30 or if with age comes wisdom but it has suddenly become crystal clear to me just how important friendships are. I will be the first to say that I haven't always been the best friend I could be but i have always been there when my friends needed me most and I feel I am now at a place in my life where I can be the best friend possible. It seems that as another year goes by I have really discovered the meaning of true friendship. Anyone can say they have friends but true friendships are something that are truly hard to find and with time can often be hard to hold on to.
I have one friend in particular, she has been my friend since the 7th grade and we have had some of the most amazing times together and also some not so amazing times together but through it all we have always stuck together and somehow the changing tides always seems to bring us back to what is most important. We have went months without talking, picked up the phone, and pick up right where we left off. She has always got me and has always appreciated the simple kind gestures I send her way from time to time. I also have friends who have went out of their way for me and who I talk to regularly who are just as special. I have always been very choosey where my friends are concerned because I care so much for the relationships in my life. Each friend has something special, one of a kind and unique about them, and I treasure each one of them just as much as the next.
However with every good friendship/relationship in life there are bound to be a few bad ones. I read once and have heard multiple people say that "friends come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime" and I am beginning to think that couLdn't be more true. I have been thinking a lot here lately about a select few people in my life and some of them are starting to look more like seasons. You can only expect from someone what you yourself are willing and capable of giving. And a person should never be expected to apologize more than once. I have always been an overly forgiving person and have always said all a person can do is apologize and you can either except it or move on. I am starting to think that where some friendships are concerned I have been overly forgiving and have become more of a friend of convenience or part of a one sided friendship. I often feel that going above and beyond for these friendships isn't worth it because the thoughtfulness I gift is never reciprocated. I can't continue to make special time for people who never make time to come visit me. I can't continue to help out people who only call me to complain or are in need of a favor rather than just calling to go hang out.
As time goes on we all get busy with our own lives. Children, husbands, family and work often become our main focus; that is just part of growing up. But friendships are the chicken noodle soups to our souls and we have to remind ourselves to find time to catch up with an old friend, make time to see how they are doing or even just pay it forward.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Fakebook
The all consuming Facebook. Let me be the first to say that I am in fact a Facebook user and that as of yet I have no intentions of ever not having a Facebook account. I do however have to say that facebook is definitely the drug of this day and age. Yes drug, as in heroine or cocaine.
When if first got my account a few years ago I was on it 24/7 but I was a "closet facebook addict" I found myself always checking to see who was doing what. I mean really how important is it to know that Billie sue went and bought potatoes at the grocery store and tammie Jo changed five poopy diapers before 12:00? But somehow I found myself being sucked into the facebook vortex. I always wanted to know what exciting things people were up to and again I question my definition of exciting. But in time I was in fact able to ween myself off facebook and now find myself going days or weeks without checking it. I know every facebook user secretly relates to my previous addiction however most will never admit it. They will continue stalking out pages behind the privacy of their own computer or cellular device.
A friend recently brought to my attention that I had almost 300 friends on facebook which surprised even me since I only talk to about 12 people on there? Again I was puzzled. So as I found myself deleting my "facebook friends" I suddenly realized that some of these people who friend requested me have never even messaged me to say hello? Here in lies my nickname fake book friends. I mean really half the people only requested me as a friend to be nosey and see what I looked like now and if I was married with kids and if I was successful. I only have so much insight into this particular situation because I will be honest I too have friended people in the past for that same reason.
I feel like a lot of people on facebook always seem to have the most perfect lives and perfect jobs and husband and children. And I found myself comparing my life to these "perfect people" and suddenly not appreciating what I have and wishing for the things I don't. Really? I mean some days my husband simply rolls over in the morning and I am annoyed with him. Somedays I really don't like my job and even though I don't have kids yet I'm pretty sure I have already grounded them for something they will do in the future. That's reality. It's called real life. Just once I would like to read "damn today sucked" instead of "best day ever :)". Of course I'm not saying my life isn't good but I'm saying that fake book people don't really have it as perfect as they make it seem.
I could probably go on about this subject for days but I have to finish up this blog so I can check the latest newsfeed on facebook lol.
When if first got my account a few years ago I was on it 24/7 but I was a "closet facebook addict" I found myself always checking to see who was doing what. I mean really how important is it to know that Billie sue went and bought potatoes at the grocery store and tammie Jo changed five poopy diapers before 12:00? But somehow I found myself being sucked into the facebook vortex. I always wanted to know what exciting things people were up to and again I question my definition of exciting. But in time I was in fact able to ween myself off facebook and now find myself going days or weeks without checking it. I know every facebook user secretly relates to my previous addiction however most will never admit it. They will continue stalking out pages behind the privacy of their own computer or cellular device.
A friend recently brought to my attention that I had almost 300 friends on facebook which surprised even me since I only talk to about 12 people on there? Again I was puzzled. So as I found myself deleting my "facebook friends" I suddenly realized that some of these people who friend requested me have never even messaged me to say hello? Here in lies my nickname fake book friends. I mean really half the people only requested me as a friend to be nosey and see what I looked like now and if I was married with kids and if I was successful. I only have so much insight into this particular situation because I will be honest I too have friended people in the past for that same reason.
I feel like a lot of people on facebook always seem to have the most perfect lives and perfect jobs and husband and children. And I found myself comparing my life to these "perfect people" and suddenly not appreciating what I have and wishing for the things I don't. Really? I mean some days my husband simply rolls over in the morning and I am annoyed with him. Somedays I really don't like my job and even though I don't have kids yet I'm pretty sure I have already grounded them for something they will do in the future. That's reality. It's called real life. Just once I would like to read "damn today sucked" instead of "best day ever :)". Of course I'm not saying my life isn't good but I'm saying that fake book people don't really have it as perfect as they make it seem.
I could probably go on about this subject for days but I have to finish up this blog so I can check the latest newsfeed on facebook lol.
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