"Beauty comes in all sizes-not just five"---Roseanne
How many times in your life have you found yourself staring in the mirror nitpicking how you look? I don't know a single woman who doesn't have insecurities, myself included. Looking back I think I have always been insecure with the way I look, even when I was a size 7. That was so long ago but I still am dumbfounded as to how I felt that way.
Lets face it, if men did not exist women would be fat and happy...or would we? I have often believed what society makes us think, that it's all these magazines and actresses and models that average women are constantly trying to live up to. But the truth is that even those women have insecurities. I have never met a woman that doesn't see at least ten flaws when she sees her reflection in the mirror. So why do we let ourselves get inside our own head?
I have struggled with my weight all my life. I have never thought of myself as gorgeous but I have never thought I was unattractive either. I will probably continue to struggle with my weight all my life and I have at times dreading going to social occasions because I can't find anything I feel good about wearing. I often see myself eating a damn cookie and thinking good lord woman put that 100 calorie thing down. We as women are often our harshest critics. Just because you aren't a size 6 doesn't mean you should consider becoming a shut in. Just because you have frizzy unmanageable hair doesn't mean you aren't gorgeous. Just because you don't wear a C cup doesn't mean you need to get implants. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just roll out of bed, shower, throw on some clothes and leave the house thinking damn I look amazing? instead of caking on the makeup and spending an hour straightening our hair while we tear through the closet leaving "it didn't look good" clothes in our wake?
My point is that I...we...need to get to a place where our value is not based solely on our looks. Some of the most beautiful people I know are beautiful because of who they are as a person. Looks eventually fade and all you are left with is what's on the inside. When you are standing at those pearly gates one day, trust me, they won't be worried about how you look. So I think I will try and start working on my insecurities...day by day. My end goal being that I can walk through life being proud of the way I look and finally feeling like my outward appearance matches my inner.
"we must become the change we want to see"---Gandhi
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Realist vs. Dreamer
All my life I have always felt that I have been a realistic person but to be contradictory I also see myself as a dreamer. I see things in black and white, and situations no matter how ugly or pretty they are, just are. I am the type of person that always hopes for the best but isn't surprised if things don't turn out that way. I often times find myself wishing for life to be perfect and amazing everyday. I mean is it really that wrong for me to want that? Regardless, I definitely think it is achievable but I just haven't quite figured out how yet. I mean what is really keeping us from being happy all the time? you control your emotions, you allow people to make you feel a certain way, you allow certain situations to affect you a certain way. So in turn, do you not control your own happiness? I don't care to speculate on situations in life or people...instead I just ask. That leaves no room for error or confusion because I get it straight from the source.
I have recently been evaluating a lot of the relationships in my life. Maybe it's the big 30 approaching that really has me thinking, why can't I be happy all the time? I am happy a lot but I am looking for a figure more like 90/10 instead of 70/30 (give or take).
I tend to always look for the best in people and when they show me their worst I accept it, forgive, and move on. I don't like to dwell on things. But I now realize what I really do is bury the unintentional resentment deep and when it rears it's ugly head much later down the road, it's well...really ugly. Or I tend to just ignore the person for a while, which has happened here lately, because I feel too hurt to give them the satisfaction of even explaining to them how I feel, and eventually I brush it under the rug again, and they are never the wiser. I wish I could tell people how I really feel, but I am the type of person who would rather be hurt than to ever hurt anyones feelings. I tend to let people walk all over me and take me for granted while secretly being hurt, and all the while putting on a big smile. I have in my own mind created these ideals that I expect other people to live up to, and that is just not realistic. But it also isn't fair for me to be getting the short end of the stick. I only expect from relationships what I in turn can reciprocate.
I saw a quote today that went something like, "just because someone doesn't love you the way you Want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you, it means they are loving you the only way they know how." so maybe that's just it, maybe I need to just take certain relationships as they are. They don't have to be perfect or live up to the image that I have created in my own mind, they just have to...well...just be.
I have recently been evaluating a lot of the relationships in my life. Maybe it's the big 30 approaching that really has me thinking, why can't I be happy all the time? I am happy a lot but I am looking for a figure more like 90/10 instead of 70/30 (give or take).
I tend to always look for the best in people and when they show me their worst I accept it, forgive, and move on. I don't like to dwell on things. But I now realize what I really do is bury the unintentional resentment deep and when it rears it's ugly head much later down the road, it's well...really ugly. Or I tend to just ignore the person for a while, which has happened here lately, because I feel too hurt to give them the satisfaction of even explaining to them how I feel, and eventually I brush it under the rug again, and they are never the wiser. I wish I could tell people how I really feel, but I am the type of person who would rather be hurt than to ever hurt anyones feelings. I tend to let people walk all over me and take me for granted while secretly being hurt, and all the while putting on a big smile. I have in my own mind created these ideals that I expect other people to live up to, and that is just not realistic. But it also isn't fair for me to be getting the short end of the stick. I only expect from relationships what I in turn can reciprocate.
I saw a quote today that went something like, "just because someone doesn't love you the way you Want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you, it means they are loving you the only way they know how." so maybe that's just it, maybe I need to just take certain relationships as they are. They don't have to be perfect or live up to the image that I have created in my own mind, they just have to...well...just be.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The Telephone Game
We all remember the telephone game...you whisper a secret into the ear of the person next to you, they in turn do the same to the person next to them, and so on. Innevitably by the time the secret reaches the last person...jerica is a sweet girl becomes jerica has fake boobs and her husband is sleeping with Betty. You get the picture. I am a firm believer in "never speculate!" If there is something I want to know, go straight to the source, rather than by word of someone elses mouth. Why waste time wondering when you can just ask and get the answer straight from the horses mouth?
My husband and I have been together for about 6 years now, and getting ready to celebrate our 1 year anniversary this august. We were in no rush at all to get married, we were content, but eventually we consented and took the big plunge. Since then let me tell you it has been a whirlwind. We announced our engagement and it was quickly followed up moments later by, " so when is the big day?" after we were married it has been, "so when are you having babies?" and let me tell you I have heard tons of crazy speculation from, "oh jenn can't get pregnant" to "oh they don't want kids". So let just put that little bit of nonsense to rest. We just are enjoying ourselves right now...taking things slow...enjoying being newlyweds. We will start a family when the time is right for us. And as of now, we do plan on having a family one day.
Why is it that we are always in a hurry? What is so important that we don't take the time to slow down, take a deep breath and revel In the moment? I actually have been making a conscience effort to slow down and take each moment in. Life is so short that it can be gone in the blink of an eye and I want to make sure that I don't miss a moment of it. So while you might waste your time speculating I will use my time more productively and use it to, well...stop and smell the roses.
My husband and I have been together for about 6 years now, and getting ready to celebrate our 1 year anniversary this august. We were in no rush at all to get married, we were content, but eventually we consented and took the big plunge. Since then let me tell you it has been a whirlwind. We announced our engagement and it was quickly followed up moments later by, " so when is the big day?" after we were married it has been, "so when are you having babies?" and let me tell you I have heard tons of crazy speculation from, "oh jenn can't get pregnant" to "oh they don't want kids". So let just put that little bit of nonsense to rest. We just are enjoying ourselves right now...taking things slow...enjoying being newlyweds. We will start a family when the time is right for us. And as of now, we do plan on having a family one day.
Why is it that we are always in a hurry? What is so important that we don't take the time to slow down, take a deep breath and revel In the moment? I actually have been making a conscience effort to slow down and take each moment in. Life is so short that it can be gone in the blink of an eye and I want to make sure that I don't miss a moment of it. So while you might waste your time speculating I will use my time more productively and use it to, well...stop and smell the roses.
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